often, i just want those evenings to myself. to remember how to breathe again. to relax. to exhale all the things that maybe didn't go right in the day.
but, no. my sweet little bundle wants and loves his momma. so i oblige. i let him latch on and stay until he is fast asleep with deep rhythmic breathing. i hold him. i pat his bum. i rub his back. he sleeps in our bed.
really this is only a season. a short short season. one that will soon go away. one that i will someday long for. he's small once. and just like our third baby required co-sleeping, this one does, too. and i just go with it. embrace it, even.
so evenings are not meant for me right now. and that's okay. i will take the mornings instead. i hate mornings. but. i get up. alarm set for 5:30. and i get up. i get up before the little people so that when they do wake, i am glad to see them. they get to be greeted by a happy momma. a momma who had her coffee, probably iced, and had her intentional quiet time. it makes a difference, you know. me, getting up before them. otherwise, i am just a mean ol' momma, a bear.
so i go to bed with a baby who needs me. and i wake to a Lord who desires me. it's a precious time in this life of mine.
not long ago i was in a dark pit, a post-partum funk, a deep depression, that lasted a long two years. now. oh now. Jesus is just a shinin' his light on my face. i am basking. i am thanking. i am singing glory. i am shouting joy. i am smiling, laughing. it's only been a short time since i have felt happy again. and i am just delighted in the everyday tasks once again.
the ordinary things make me happy. the laundry. the dishes. the kisses. the obnoxious giggles. the sweeping. my honey. the playing. the sunshine. my baby's chub. being with friends. it's all beautiful. no day is perfect. but everyday we make the best of what we are given.
i am thankful.
and beyond blessed.
my cup. it's more than i ever imagined.